Do you call yourself a failure when you didn’t reach a goal or fell short of your goal or made a mistake? You’re not a failure. It’s a DO-OVER.
A friend of mine had a great way to look at failures. He called it a “do-over.” I like that. It’s kind of a way to say I love myself, and I tried. I just have to try again. It’s giving yourself permission to fail.
Maybe you, like me, have failed at some things. Sometimes as hard as I try, I just can’t get to the goal I wanted to achieve.
Did I expect too much of myself? Did I not plan well enough? Instead of baby steps, like I tell my clients, did I try to rush through and use giant steps?
No matter your self-esteem, there is still the possibility that it can be “blown away” by a failure. Or a disappointing event that you didn’t expect, and that turns into a setback. That’s why it is essential to develop a skill for riding out delays for keeping self-esteem healthy and secure during the storms of life that will inevitably come.
What are the things that have happened or are happening that you consider failures in your life? And what does the word “failure” mean to you? Can you fix it? Can you go down a different track? Or do you throw your hands up in the air and walk away?
What has worked to help you cope with “failure” during, before, and after?
People can consider their failures in lots of areas. Job, marriage, parenting, school, reaching ideal weight, quitting smoking, reaching goals…
And when failures happen, you might feel that nobody loves you. Rejection. Thoughts that you’re no good. Your self-esteem goes in the toilet.
Adopt the do-over attitude and talk it over with someone whom you trust, or the person or persons that are part of that disappointment.
- Forgive yourself
- Change your course
- Realize that it won’t matter years from now
I’m a big fan of Eckert Tolle. If you don’t know him, Eckert is the author of The Power of Now and A New Earth. I’ve read his books several times. In fact, I have it on Audible. And when I can’t sleep at night because I’m worried, stressed, maybe feeling like I failed at something, listening to his salient advice helps me immensely. And I love his thoughts about surrendering. When you feel like a failure when you have been in a situation that you can’t control or make better, or perhaps when someone makes you feel bad, surrender it. Surrender your feelings to yourself. And then let them pass through. Just let them pass through. Breathe. And love yourself. With this approach, the worry and bad feelings will eventually leave, and you can start again with self-love.
Ways to react to setbacks:
Admit mistakes. Don’t deny responsibility but focus on what you need to do now.
Re-frame the event. Instead of condemning yourself, beating yourself up, step back, and look at what you can do differently, maybe you missed doing that would have been a better route for that goal.
- What DID go well?
- What coping skills did I learn?
- What can I do differently to try again?
- What did I learn?
There’s lots of ways to pick yourself up and keep going on your goals, but it takes positive attitude, planning and realistic expectations. One step at a time. And when you get setback, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means it’s a Do-Over. Maybe in a different goal, maybe in a new relationship, and maybe in surrendering to what you learned along the way.