Are You Claiming Your Space?
Not space, like going to the moon…not space like a parking space or closet space that we can never get enough of…but instead, I’m talking about how we are holding our own space as women. I’m talking about the space we create for ourselves to rise fully and to shine ultimately.
By finding our space, we can bring ourselves along to wherever we want to go. To where we can be ourselves. Our own director. Our own contributor.
But to do this, you may have to take stock of your current situation. Yes, that’s right. If you’re not where you want to be in life, in work, in health, career, and relationships, you’ll need to start with an assessment. Act. And NO SHRINKING!
-Do you react to the absence of space in your life by pulling back? Do you find yourself in situations where you’re afraid to speak up because there are so many louder voices in the room? Are you shrinking your right to your space because you think your thoughts don’t matter?
-If you shrink away from standing for your truth, your authentic self, and deny yourself your rightful space in your life, and true self, you will start reject the foundation of your own self-worth.
Think about this.
Think back on a time when you felt good about yourself. You felt expanded, genuinely and unequivocally comfortable in your own shoes. You felt the essence of your womanhood. Maybe it was when you gave birth. Or maybe when you won an award. Or maybe when you accomplished a long hard commitment that was important to you. What would it be like for you to build on that sense of your true essence again? And how could you hold on to that?
In my first book, Women Like Us. Real Stories and Strategies for Living Your Best Life, I was fortunate to have many outstanding women contribute their professional and personal stories. In fact, in all 3 of my books, women’s stories are the foundation. I’ve always believed that by learning about one another’s lives, we can learn about ourselves, too.
In particular, I’m remembering I’m remembering Hazel Walker’s story. The name of her piece was called: Choose.
In her story, Hazel spoke of her fears and insecurities and created a visual that symbolized them. She referred to her shame and lack in terms of a cozy, comfy blanket that she would drag around with her. You see, Hazel had held on to what she had been told as a child. She believed the predictions of her father told her about herself.
The message went like this:
Because my Dad was an alcoholic, I was destined to be one, too.
Because he was abusive, I was a victim.
Because he was mean to me, I was unlovable.
Because he said I was stupid, I could not achieve anything.
Because he said women were less, I chose to believe I was less.
Hazel went about her life carrying those beliefs with her, like an old comfy blanket. And she made her father’s words come true. She married a man she barely knew, got a job working on an assembly line, and had kids. Her husband was a drug addict who was domineering, possessive and unfaithful. This was the life she expected. Yet, after the birth of her second child, they split up. As Hazel puts it- he went to prison and I went on to the rest of my life.
Hazel started opening her personal space. She started actualizing her new life. She searched for a job that would give her a wage to take care of her children, yet she was told that she was stuck. She was told she had to take any job she could get, any job whether she liked it or not because she was a single mom with 2 children. She was told to “get used to jobs you don’t like” because the jobs she qualified for would get her nowhere.
It was tough. But Hazel didn’t shrink away. She was determined to let go of the old beliefs and find a life in which she would thrive. She was determined to persevere and claim her space in this world.
And so, she continued. First, she went to the welfare office. Next the food stamp office. Then she signed up for a higher education program offered by the state. And, as she says, “I started my life. She learned there indeed was space for her to have a different life. She only had to reach for it. She only had to start by rejecting what she had been told and had believed.
Today, Hazel Walker is a global keynote speaker and an author of multiple books. Look her up on LinkedIn.
Hazel’s story teaches all of us that if we want our best life, our authentic life, there is space for us to make it happen.
Who are you? Are you claiming your space? Do you want to get on that journey of finding it? It’s all doable. You just have to want it.
You can activate your space. You just have to begin.